Fun fact: My period was five days late. As a consequence, when it did finally come on Saturday night, it was like the airport fight from Captain America Civil War was happening in my uterus, only with zero hot people and more blood. It’s only been two posts and I’m already talking about my uterus? We’re all gonna get pretty close here. Anyway as I was doubled over in pain, nauseous and unable to stomach anything but half a plain bagel, my anxiety kicked in as usual. People call them ‘what if’ thoughts, and for those who don’t know, it’s when you pretty much think that everything that can go wrong will go wrong in the future. For example, here’s a sample of my thought process when I woke up Sunday morning and lied (laid? I’m a writer but make no promises on my grammar) in bed.
What if I don’t finish college. What if I don’t want to be a writer. What if I have to live with my parents for the rest of my life. What if I throw up in British Novel on Monday morning. What if I leak through my pad while I’m walking in the Public Garden. What if I still feel like this when I have to be an adult and get a job. What if I don’t get a job. What if I’m alone for the rest of my life.
These are the ones that I remember, and honestly I’m happy that I had to pause when I thought back to these ‘what-ifs’. It tells me this is not forever, not even close. I literally just remembered I woke up nauseous AGAIN this morning and went right back to “oh my goodness what if we’re talking about Oroonoko and I just throw up right there in front of the professor?” Fun fact: It didn’t happen.
Am I dreading starting Defoe? Yes. Yes I am. You could say this is my post defore I read Defoe, and I’ll post a deafter post in a few weeks when we get to discussing it. Back to my point, I’m alive and healthy enough to read Roxana. And I didn’t throw up! I actually managed to eat a bagel and have an orange Gatorade before in fact. My stomach is full, my cramps are gone, my skin is clear, my crops are watered, my eyesight is 20/20 (not really you have no idea how thick my lenses are) and I feel pretty good and ready to tackle Developmental Psych this afternoon. And that’s about all I got for today. And as to daily updates, hahaha I’m a silly bitch I think every other day might work for now until I get the hang of this wordpress stuff. Ok so I’ll leave you guys with a mantra I got today from my Yoga with Adriene on Youtube: Everything is as it should be. Because if my period wasn’t as severe as it was, would I have treated myself to some nice pastries at Tatte yesterday (RHYME!!!)? Nope, I wouldn’t have, and those brownies were delicious.