Public Garden: Pigeon of Doom

I went on a lil walk in the Public Garden today with my friend Cyndi. For non-Bostonites, (you thought I was going to say Bostonians, didn’t you?) the Public Garden is literally a park with a big pond in the middle, and lots of squirrels, ducks, pigeons, geese (violent shudder), and DOOOOOOOGS. Today marked the one week anniversary of me pulling myself back together after a bad anxiety episode, so my lovely roommate and I decided to go out for an hour and get some air. And play Pokemon Go, because Cyndi needed like five more Vulpixes until she could get a Ninetales.

What a ripe day it was for Pokemon Trainers. A highlight was Cyndi getting her Ninetales, because apparently there’s a herd of Vulpixes out in the Garden. Some Pokemon expert can correct me if Vulpix should be pluralized or not. And the other highlight was both of us catching a new Pokemon BOOM I GOT A PORYGON BITCHES!!!!

There was also this fun little strip of concrete where people drew whales on the ground with chalk? I have no idea why!! But it was so cool! Fun fact: I am literally obsessed with Moby Dick, it’s one of my favorite books ever. So of course we’re calmly walking along chasing a Psyduck when I start screaming “IT’S MOBY DICK!” and Cyndi, as usual, gave me her look that said, “Sammi I love you but know that I merely tolerate you sometimes”. Cyndi does not like sentiment, whereas I have been known to cry at the sight of a picture book about otters. But you can’t blame me for that, otters are LITERALLY MY FAVORITE ANIMAL EVER THEY HOLD HANDS AND FLOAT AND HAVE BIG LIL NOSES AND HAVE LIL LEGS and I’m going to stop that now. Here’s Cyndi posing on top of one whale, and a pic of one that I thought was the cutest because it was smiling and the blowhole looks like a tree is growing out of it, and isn’t that so deep and poetic?

Can you believe I haven’t even mentioned 50% of the title yet? Me neither, so here I go: pigeon of doom. Cyndi had just evolved her Ninetales. We were walking under the bridge at the center of the garden so we could eat lunch. All we wanted was lunch. But no. I felt beady eyes glare at me from behind, and so I turned and looked up. There, perched like a gargoyle was…


VOLDEMORT!!!! No not really but it was the Pigeon of Doom. He kept giving me a look and angling his head down as if to say, “You’ve seen nothing of my lair human. Run. Flee before I slay thee.” And do you see that little white dot off to the left side? ANOTHER PIGEON. HIS HENCHMAN. I don’t know why this pigeon frightened me so. I thought it would attack me, and apparently so did Cyndi. She jumped when I pointed it out to her. And he just stood there lurking and looking at us. I usually love pigeons!!! They’re cute in my opinion, and freshman year when I had no view out my window except a ledge where a family of pigeons lived? Best entertainment of my life! I named them all after kings like Louis and Phillip and John. Shockingly all of them were girls except Louis because HE HAD SEX WITH ALL THE OTHER ONES. I learned a lot about pigeon sex that year, and you know what I think that’s a fun tidbit to bring up on a first date. Back to my pigeon. I get sidetracked.

I ran before he got to eat me, which he most certainly would have. It was all Cyndi who saved me though. I was staring into Pigeon of Doom’s eyes for too long and thus was hypnotized. I was right where he wanted me. But Cyndi said it smelled like pee under the bridge so she pulled me away. God bless Cyndi. And so I live to play Pokemon Go another day.

Stay happy and healthy my lovely little llamas!


I’m so sorry if these are alpacas and not llamas, I just googled llamas and these two looked so darn cuddly.


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