What Happens When I Get Assigned An Essay

Alright you guys have waited for my triumphant return long enough, that’s for sure. And I am happy to tell you: I AM FINISHED WITH MY FINALS AND HAPPIER THAN EVER!!!!!!



This is me being happy I swear. Cyndi showed me this bird and apparently it is exactly me. It almost exclusively makes it’s weird yelling sound when the moon is out because it misses the moon, and it always looks this wild. This thing is me. It’s called a potoo. And look at how happy it looks. Yes, it is me. Thrilled that finals are over yet still suffering from the stress of the past semester. Thank God this semester is over, seriously. Now I get to go home, see my family and my dog, make money at the Gap, celebrate the holidays, and have a blast for a month before I come back to my awesome friends and a kickass group of classes. I can tell when I’m excited because I don’t use commas and I write long run-on sentences. HEHE. Speaking of writing, I promised y’all a look into my creative mind didn’t I?

I had to write three essays for my finals, and boy oh boy did that scramble my brain. But I was in class taking notes on one particular essay for my fiction class and I was laughing to myself because I thought my notes were pretty funny. I always think I’m funny. This morning I did an interpretive dance to EXO’s “Monster” and Cyndi didn’t even appreciate it even though I was in her face. But back to my notes.


I recommend outlines, by the way. Without this I would have suffered. I mean I did suffer because I did lock myself in my room for 24 hours just to get the idea of what I was going to write. The checks are things I’d finished at that point. Let’s start at the beginning, when the professor explains the essay in class:


This was when I had no ideas!!!! I was like wow we read so many stories I feel like I’m suffocating, so if I stare at the paper hard enough, maybe my brain will kick into gear and get some ideas. Instead, I only ended up wondering why is it that I love the sound of the letter “p” so much?


“True Trash” is actually a magnificent short story by Margaret Atwood that I recommend, and most certainly not my autobiography. I just thought it was funny to call myself true trash because at that point in the semester I was a wreck and wondering WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA WRITE FOR THREE STUPID ESSAYS????????? Maybe some day I will ask Margaret Atwood if I can use her title as my autobiography though. It’s entirely possible.


THAT IS NOT MY PROFESSOR. MY PROFESSOR IS COOL AND I LOVE HIM AND HE DOESN’T WEAR STUPID FEDORAS. We just had a huge conversation about metafiction one day. It’s writing about writing, and stories about stories, and it’s basically Inception. We got into some weird discussions and we may or may not be characters in a video game played by some god somewhere. And Yay Thesis is my way of saying YEAH BITCH GET A GOOD THESIS OR ELSE.


Yes I am. Sometimes. Sometimes I plan things so far ahead I forget I planned for them and start planning again before I find evidence of my first plan. Other times….I sit here blogging instead of packing for when my mom comes to pick me up for winter break in less than 24 hours. Yeah….


I did not come up with a good title.


This is good advice for you paper writers out there. Like eating broccoli. Remember that. I like to write random motivational things when I have no ideas, and I recommend that. If you feel lost, literally write YOU GO, YOU GOT THIS, WOOHOO and you’ll feel a smidgen better, I promise.


There’s also the “ew, gross, stahp” stuff, mainly to remind me of the same thing the Sherlock note was for; investigate and use specifics. Without specifics there is no paper. And so I must be Benedict Cucumber and find sources and details to fit my argument. It’s soooooo much work, but oh well, I did it, and I don’t think I did too bad with these papers. (Maybe).

Anyway, that is how I survive papers. I just write random notes and make it all a little game, like oooh, I have to put this here, and that there, and I put together a paper like a puzzle. That’s just the way I look at it. Anyway, that’s all over now, thank goodness. Hopefully everyone else’s final period went well. Mine did…I think????




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