Happy New Years! And It’s Penguin Mating Season.

WHAT. A. DAY. WE. HAD. AT. THE AQUARIUM.

Before the semester ended Cyndi and I decided to destress by going to the aquarium. I’ve always loved the aquarium, though tonight’s episode of Sherlock has made me rethink aquariums as a safe space (lol not really). I love looking at fish and turtles and eels and coral and literally everything interests me. It’s so peaceful, and everyone take note. If you want to take me on a date, take me to the aquarium. You hear that J-Hope? I’ll be waiting.

So the aquarium with Cyndi was something for the ages, let me tell you. Oh boy. We sat there staring at the African Penguins for at least an hour, just naming them and saying who they all were and stuff and it was a hot mess. One of the aquarium staff laughed at me cause I was calling down the the penguins in a baby voice like, “AWWW YOU’RE SO PRETTY, LOOK AT YOU, YOU’RE SO GOOD. GOOD PENGUINS LOOKIT YOU HOP AND WADDLE”.

But this was not the best part of standing and watching penguins for an hour or so. Oh no. No, that was the drama that we saw unfolding right before our very eyes. I’ll preface it with saying that it must have been mating season, because let me say, all the penguins were in pairs. So let me also preface with saying Cyndi and I, the avid KPop fans that we are, named all these penguins after KPop idols we want to be couples (or “ship” as we kids call it nowadays), and it was everything we wanted it to be and more.

I’ll start with Vmin, AKA V and Jimin penguins. So these two lovebirds (pun intended) were the first that Cyndi and I spotted. They were caught canoodling behind some rocks, and by canoodling I mean V was being all touchy and affectionate with Jimin but Jimin was bored. Until, that is, CUE FIREWORKS.

PENGUIN SEX!!!

I didn’t get it on my camera, because that was just indecent. No, I got their second and third ACTS OF INTERCOURSE on camera instead. They shall not be shared here, as it was a very uncomfortable experience for all parties involved, which was literally just myself and Cyndi. But I can describe it! It’s been seared into my memory forever!! V is the top and Jimin is the bottom by the way, for BTS fans who were wondering. Jimin basically laid down on his stomach and V came up behind him and started hitting Jimin’s sides with his wings. Not spanking, no, they weren’t that kinky. This went on for a few minutes and then V stopped and backed away and the two just stood there for a bit. That is, until V looked up and saw me and Cyndi.

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LIL GUY WAS PISSED. And you know, I don’t blame him. I mean, Cyndi and I didn’t mean to oversee their private session, we actually HAD NO IDEA WHAT THEY WERE DOING UNTIL IT WAS HAPPENING AND THERE WAS NOTHING WE COULD DO. And we love Vmin, both the penguins and the real people, so making V upset was not in our plans. So we tried to walk away and look at other penguins instead, but every time we looked back, V was still staring at us. Glaring at us. LOOKING INTO OUR SOULS. I am so sorry Vmin I didn’t mean it, you’re both beautiful, both the penguins and the real people again.

So as I said, Cyndi and I were scouting out other penguins, and we saw Namjoon and Jin having a domestic. It looked like Namjoon was down for sexy times and Jin was not having it. Jin would yell at Namjoon and go sit in his lil cave and Namjoon waddled off to stare out into the distance. He always came back though, and Jin would yell, and then the cycle would start again.

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Namjoon looks like the wind was taken out of his sails. Oh Jin. I just know these two sweetie pies made up at some point, because what is BTS without their fearless leader Namjoon and mother Jin? Power couple right here.

Next up was a pairing that could not be ignored. Literally. It was Chen and Baekhyun from EXO. Chen was sitting on a rock just yelling, and his voice was higher and louder than all the other penguins. Cyndi and I decided he was Chen because he was holding out his voice like a pro. There was no one else it could be. And then Baekhyun waddles over and lays down, and we just think, OH MY GOD, JUST LIKE JIMIN. Yet this was different. Chen legit jumped on top of Baekhyun and then started hitting his sides with his flippers, and overall it looked much better coordinated than Vmin did.

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THERE YOU GO. PENGUIN SEX, JUST LIKE YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR

CHEN WAS SO CUDDLY. It was also over quicker, and then the two went off on their separate ways. But there were claw marks from Chen’s feet on the rock, so they definitely knew what they were doing. UNLIKE VMIN. Cyndi was saying, “WAIT ARE YOU TELLING ME VMIN DID IT WRONG???” Cyndi is a hardcore Vmin shipper, so this news was a bit hilarious. By the way, V finally stopped staring at us by this point and was chasing after Jimin again. Speaking of Jimin, we had a jealous lil penguin standing in the corner.

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He was standing by himself and kept looking over at Vmin, as if he was feeling left out. Not to mention he was so damn photogenic. Seriously this was the ideal penguin. That led us to call him Jungkook. He was really cute, but he didn’t really do anything other than watch Vmin.

Moving on to the last of the BTS crew, of course we found J-Hope and Suga.

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Suga is the one lying down. He refused to get up, even though Hobi kept hovering around him and shaking his head and waddling around like a happy little penguin. They came pretty close to penguin sex though. Suga got up at one point and he and Hobi were clacking their beaks together. It was really weird and when penguins hit their beaks together it’s pretty loud. I like to think it was the way they kiss. Anyway Suga went right back to laying down after their intense make-out session, and Hobi was left to his own devices.

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Rare footage of Suga standing up and not killing Hobi for waking him up

I saved the best for last, in Cyndi’s opinion, our last penguin was Chanyeol, named after the EXO rapper and Cyndi’s future husband.

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I think my snapchat caption sums it up very well. He did literally nothing but hop from rock to rock, flail around, and scream at random points, probably when he wanted attention. Such a dramatic lil penguin, and Cyndi was like, “THAT ONE!! IT’S CHAN, I JUST FEEL IT!!!” And so it was. Although if Chanyeol was by himself and Jungkook was by himself, maybe they should hook up so they don’t get lonely. Everyone else has pairs, so why not? Just kidding, Jungkook ended up joining two other penguins by swimming around in the water and having fun with that. Chanyeol continued to do…whatever it was he was doing. I’m a psycho minor, but we don’t talk about the minds of penguins too often in my classes.

Anyway that was the drama that was the Boston Aquarium’s African Penguin Exhibit. Tune in next week for an update. HA. Just kidding, it costs me $25 to get into that place, even with my student discount, so HELL NO I won’t be going there for some time. Instead next semester I’ll be heading to the zoo for one of my “explore the city to destress” days.

Remember to destress and not distress, my friends. I just came up with that after typing the word “destress” before, isn’t that nifty?

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