I Almost Burned My House Down

Not really, but it does make for a catchy title. I’m actually baking sugar cookies right now that WOW I HAVE TO CHECK ON THEM TO MAKE SURE THERE ISN’T ANY MORE SMOKE HOLD UP.

(2 MINS later)

Well I am back, and no the cookies are not burned (though they probably will be in another two minutes, and there is no smoke. You’re probably wondering why on earth can’t this girl who loves cooking and baking (which you didn’t know before but know now) make a decent batch of simple sugar cookies? I wish I had a good answer, but I don’t know!!!

Cabin fever does that to you. Yes, it has been snowing hardcore today in New York, and I have been snowbound all freakin day. I only went out to walk my dog and I bundled up like a little munchkin to go out there. So in my boredom, I decided, thanks to my mom making me get up and do something so I wasn’t wallowing in misery all day, to make COOKIES. I mean, before that I’ll I’d done was walk the dog, do a puzzle, color, and read some fanfiction. Yeah. J-Hope fanfiction y’all, that’s where it’s at. Oh and I tried out some snowshoes my mom got for Christmas and almost fell down a hill, fell up the stairs, fell down the stairs, and then fell into the car on the driveway. It literally did nothing different than make walking inconvenient. I think I was somehow doing it wrong.

The recipe was so simple, it was an egg, some butter, and the baking mix. Yet the selection in my house was…poor to say the best. I had to cut out the shapes of the cookies into squares, you know why? I had to use a pizza cutter. It was either that or the apple core thing my mom has, so the pizza cutter won.

And then I put them on some wax paper and put them in for five minutes. When I opened the stove door, WHOOSH, smoke flew out at me. Oh god I used “whoosh”, my writing professor is gonna kill me. Whoosh is pretty lame, I must say. So I will pass on Professor Lise’s advice: DO NOT USE “WHOOSH” IN YOU WRITING.

Back to my cookies. So I was waving a towel around and opening all the doors, all the while blasting KPop and my dad was on the phone with my brother, who is an idiot and is currently stranded in the snow cause his car won’t start, and I was running around going “MOM MOM MOM COME DOWN AND HELP ME” and it was quite a time. When my mom finally did come to the kitchen, she patted my shoulder because I was still spinning in circles flapping this raggedy-ass towel screaming, “I’M GONNA SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM” and she just looked in and said, “Sammi, you set it to convection bake, not regular bake.” I still have no idea what this means, but after we set it to regular bake there was no more smoke. Mission accomplished.

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That face was because one of the cookies slid off the plate and onto my laptop. Don’t worry, my laptop is fine. And so are the cookies, those puppies are DAMN FINE HOT DAMN THEY TASTE SO GOOD. And don’t ask me about icing. I’m not one of those Facebook pros who can do those fancy icing-drawing things, though one day I will learn. I tried to make homemade icing with confectioners sugar, milk, and vanilla, and let’s just say the results were ironically not so sweet. Actually they were too sweet. Basically it was disgusting. Yuckie. Ew. Gross.

So my advice is to keep switching up your activities during moments of boredom and cabin fever. Or if you’re like me when you get cabin fever, just burn the cabin down while trying to make sugar cookies. There. Now you’re either free in the outside air or you’re just as burned and dead as your cookies. I’ll leave that choice up to you. Wow that got a little dark didn’t it? But after this I’m going to seriously contemplate trekking out into the tundra that is my town right now for some McDonald’s, because I am craving that shit right now. And then I’ll have a bath and read, make tea, do some more coloring, maybe call together a search party and some bloodhounds for my brother, you know. I try to do little things here and there, a distracted Sammi is a not bored Sammi, and therefore a not-anxious Sammi. Okay, I’m actually going to go read some more J-Hope fanfiction right now, because that stuff is killer, I mean really. Good fanfiction is FANtastic, hahahaahaHA, laugh at my joke everyone.

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