HE TOOK MY SON

YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I’VE DONE THIS PAST WEEK.

So it all starts with that awesome show Shark Tank and ends with potatoes. If you’ve seen this particular episode of Shark Tank, you’ll know what I’m talking about. So I’ll start with an explanation:

Shark Tank is a show where people who want to start some kind of business or company pitch their budding ideas to entrepreneur masters and see if they’ll invest. So basically, if someone has some awesome sales for their awesome idea, they explain their small business to the “sharks” and offer them equity in their company in exchange for a good chunk of money to help them out. It’s literally the best show ever. I’m not an entrepreneur at all, I’m just a humble creative writer, but watching the sharks do their thing and knowing how business works is just AMAZING. I CANNOT TELL YOU ENOUGH HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SHOW.

That’s Shark Tank, and here’s where the potato comes in. These two guys walk into “the tank” (the business room where the show takes place) dressed like goddamn potatoes. Remarkable. I’ve never seen great TV like this before.

Here’s the episode if you want to see it. It’s a little off center but whatever you’ll get the point if you watch it. Side note: Robert Herjavec has the bluest eyes doesn’t he? Put him on the list of “Attractive Men Over the Age of Fifty”. And other side note: Daymond’s laugh is the best thing ever. In short, the Potato Parcel lets you send a message or picture on a potato to people.

Isn’t that the most Sammi thing you’ve ever heard? All the people who know me in real life seem to think so. And I took FULL ADVANTAGE OF THE POTATO PARCEL.

Enter my brother, who complained to me the other day that he wishes I mentioned him more in my blog. I watched this episode of Shark Tank and I went “Oh. My. God. Ryan would love this.” Thus my idea was born: send my brother down in Uni Maryland a potato parcel with a face and message on it. But what to send?

Enter Sons of Anarchy.

That was another element you weren’t expecting, were you? What? A potato, a tv show about budding business, and now a show about a biker gang? What is going on?! I’ll tell you.

My brother kind of got me into Sons of Anarchy a little bit, not too much but enough that I watched a good chunk of it and I know the series storyline up until the end. It’s a damn good show, if I’m being honest. He loves it, he binged the whole thing during winter break. That’s like…seven seasons. I’m still only on episode 5 of my Korean drama because I can see how it’ll emotionally damage me down the line and haven’t had the courage to continue it. But my brother is an actual trooper when it comes to TV binges. And what’s more, he can actually get his ass off the couch to GO TO THE GYM IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EPISODE IF HE REALLY NEEDS TO. YEAH HE DRIVES TO THE GYM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THE COUCH AND EATING MAC N CHEESE, UNLIKE A CERTAIN SISTER OF HIS. So in Sons of Anarchy, spoiler alert, the main character, Jax Teller, gets his baby kidnapped in the finale of season 2. That’s not funny is it? No. For some reason, my brother burst out laughing at that scene. I was at work, but when I came home he went, “Sammi, oh my god you have to see this”. Here’s the scene:

Jax and his biker gang run to the end of the pier to chase down the guy who took his son. The guy had a boat waiting and drives off into the sunset with this poor infant and Jax has no way to go after him, as his motorcycle cannot ride over water. He’s Jax, not Jesus. But Jax just kinda looks around, stunned that this is happening, and yells in a slightly bewildered voice, “HE TOOK MY SON”.

I truly cannot explain why my brother and I thought that was so funny. It was just so….yeah, he obviously took your son, and it’s a serious moment, but something about the way he said it just tickled my funnybone, and my brother’s. I think it’s because I always say to my brother that “Charlie Hunnam can’t act”. It’s really not true at all. I just watched him in Crimson Peak and was like whyyyyy do they always make this British guy do an American accent? Seriously, he’s not a bad actor I just always say funny things like that. For example, I always say that I hate Suho of the KPop group Exo, but I don’t really hate Suho. I LOVE SUHO, I ADORE SUHO HE’S LEGIT IN MY TOP THREE OUT OF EXO but Suho is just….he’s such a DAD, you know, he can come off as SO LAME. And I love it. Same with Jin from BTS. Jin is my soul, I love that guy, and his terrible dad jokes are great. He’s kinda lame and he just rolls with it, like “yeah I can’t dance but I’m pretty and I think I’m funny so HA”.

Good Lord it sounds like I hate these people. I’m a postmodern millennial with a strange and often warped sense of humor. I show my affection in strange ways. Ask my roommate Cyndi. I tell her that I hate her all the time and she says she hates me back, but goodness me what would I be without Cyndi? She’s the rational one who keeps Emily and I from indulging each other to the point that we cackle furiously to ourselves and ugly-snort laugh in public.

Okay long side track, but the bottom line is that I love Suho and Jin and back to this story, Charlie Hunnam.

So my brother and I are sitting there cracking up, and it was a really funny moment in life. Enter Shark Tank and potatoes.

So naturally, I sent Ryan a potato. Legit. Like, a few hours ago. I even paid an extra ten dollars to get it there in 1-3 days instead of 4-7, because I want an immediate reaction. Instead I sent him a cryptic text without context, and he’ll see what I mean soon:

But Sammi, you ask, what was on this potato, this inedible potato, I must add, as the potatoes cannot be consumed. It is a picture of Jax Teller’s face. And the message? Here it is: Actually, it’s the title of this blog: HE TOOK MY SON.

That’s it. That’s the big reveal. So now I wait for him to receive it, and thus this section of the blog ends, until he gets it at least. I can’t publish this yet, not when he doesn’t have his surprise spud, can I?

*Two Days Later*

Okay it was many days later because the postal system failed me. That’s okay though. I’m back after like a week or two hiatus because I suck at updating. So what do I do? I decide maybe to start a Youtube channel about books! Yeah, I’m sure once I start that I’ll be a wizard at updating that one too. *Sarcasm for miles*. Anyway, my brother didn’t tell me about getting the potato. I texted him the day after I ordered it:

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Yeah that’s hilarious. The HILARIOUS PART OF ALL THIS is that my brother got it on Saturday night. And he didn’t tell me. HE DIDN’T TELL ME. I had to be on a call with him and my family Sunday night and then he just goes, “Oh I got your potato”. It was severely underwhelming. I told him too, “YOU DIDN’T TELL ME? I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T TELL ME ABOUT GETTING A POTATO IN THE MAIL” and he just said, “Yeah I was playing with it all day. Is it edible? I took a bite out of it.” YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF IT. Oh well. He enjoyed it and he says it was a “high quality potato”. And the moral of the story is make your siblings happy. I love my brother!!!!!

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