First and foremost sorry for going AWOL on you guys and disappearing for a long time. It wasn’t because I was super anxious or sad or anything, actually it was good! I was so busy and happy I didn’t even have time to update my blog! Does that mean oh know Sammi’s sad again and that’s why she’s blogging?!?!? Well yes and no.
So I haven’t been super duper anxious in a while, but it just kind of hit me these past two days to the point where I threw up four times last night. Now, I haven’t anxious-vomited since this summer, so there was a little piece of me, hunched over the toilet last night that was thinking “OH YEAH, THIS HASN’T HAPPENED IN FOREEEEVER”. So I tried to be positive as Farfalle pasta and Mountain Dew fled from my stomach. Too graphic? Yep. And that’s part of it too, I’ve been eating HORRIBLY the past week, too much sugar and not as many vegetables and protein and stuff that I should be getting. So sad. Add to that the stress of being put in charge of a magazine on campus next year, and having tests, and getting my story workshopped in class last night, and you’ve got a lot of commas in this sentence and the perfect cocktail for one Stressed Sammi.
Alas. I’m sitting here hungry and half heartedly munching on crackers right no. My stomach is still in a sad little condition, and I’m trying to feel better to see BTS tomorrow, which I will be, it just stresses me out. I don’t want to be weak and sick while watching my boys perform, they’re so talented and I’m excited to see them! Unfortunately, excitement and anxiety both have the same physical effect on the body, so what do you think that excitement has caused me as well? Stomach pain and digestive mayhem. Oh cruel fate. I should nap maybe. I don’t know. I had a test in my 10 AM today and I think it went pretty good all things considered. A solid B at least. But how that relates to my nap is that I have class at 12 so I usually go straight there after my 10, lol just kidding they’re both in the same room so I don’t really go anywhere. I just kind of sit there and eat and read and then boom class. SPEAKING OF WHICH SHIT I HAVE TO READ ONE MORE SHORT STORY WHILE BLOGGING FOR MY 12. The good news is the person who read the book before me wrote some killer notes in the book that I could also look at while reading and get a better idea of what’s going on. Because it’s Sherlock Holmes and I do not have the stomach for that right now. Not that those stories are gross, not at all, it’s just that when your throat is sore from throwing up and your nose is clogged with mucus and you feel a lil woozy, paying attention to high themes in literature can be exhausting.
Okay I promise I’m gonna blog more again, my loyal fans. By this I mean my dad, who I called at like 12:30 last night and he stayed on the line with me and calmed me down. He is the number 1 avid reader of my blog. I felt bad when I was home for spring break last week because he just went, “You haven’t blogged in awhile”. My dad has an app on his phone that NOTIFIES HIM WHEN I UPDATE, NOW THAT’S SWEEEEEET. And am i guilting my mama who once said to my brother, “Well if I had a daughter…” WHILE I SAT RIGHT THERE. HOHOHO MERRY CHRISTMAS MOM I’M RIGHT HERE. Lol I know she didn’t mean it love you mama you couldn’t DESIGN a better child, except maybe my brother. That boy is low-key a genius even if he’s an emotional idiot. I also texted him last night during The First Great Stomach Debacle of 2017. I told him how I was anxious and how I wasn’t eating right and stuff, and his response was “You dumbass” promptly followed by “I’m watching the sopranos”. Amazing. Seriously I don’t appreciate my parents enough, I really don’t. My parents rock. My mama helps me be more resilient and my padre helps me to be kinder to myself. Seriously it’s like opposites of the same coin, and who would like their quarters without both sides? Nobody. Because then that quarter would be useless and you can’t pay for your meter and you have to pray to the gods that the meter police don’t give you a ticket, because even though I WORK AT THE GAP RIGHT THERE FOR HOURS A DAY I’M STILL EXPECTED TO PAY THIS METER AND RUN OUT WHENEVER I NEED TO PUT MORE COINS IN IT. It’s a riot let me tell you. And don’t even get me started on days when the machine is finicky and wants “cash only” or I have to put a lousy 2 dollar charge on my card. Lame. Anyway, enough of that, what was I talking about? Oh yes. My parents are my lucky quarter and I love them very much. I love my family even if I just made fun of my mom and my brother a few sentences ago. Hehehe. Not too smart considering I’m going home for the weekend with Cyndi for this concert, so I hope they don’t torture me, not when I’m feeling a little sick and queasy at least.
I will say I feel a bit better after blogging, my anxiety levels are a little softer, but you know how it is, this stuff takes time. So today is a self-care Sammi Day!!! I’m gonna eat soup later and eat some crackers throughout the day, and drink all the water I can get my hands on. Water is the cure my friends. I’ll use a heating pad, I’ll go lay down before class real quick, and generally tell myself, “Oh little tummy. It’s okay. You’re gonna see BTS tomorrow, isn’t that exciting? Get better my love.” *pats my own stomach and speaks to it lovingly*. Yeah it sounds weird but a way I help myself with anxiety is to talk to the body part that feels attacked and wonky and treat it like my little body. Oh legs, you’re shaking, it’s okay, rest easy my loves.” Kinda strange, but it works, so go me. Okay, I’ll leave it at that for now, and super sorry again to readers who’ve wanted me to update, even if there aren’t many of you out there. 🙂 Love you lovelies.