I really don’t have any words for what I want to say, but I know blogging tends to help me deal with emotions, so I was hoping this would help me and maybe others who are upset about this morning’s news. I’ll just be typing away trying to process, because it’s been a difficult morning.
I woke up to hear that SHINee’s Kim Jonghyung is dead from an apparent suicide. Twitter is sad, his fans are outside the hospital where he was taken, and the rest of his members are there right now. I’ve seen an outpouring of love and support telling people to take care of their own mental health and being there for people to talk to, especially SHINee fans.
When I woke up Cyndi and I were on the phone talking to each other right away for almost two hours. Sometimes we would just sit there in silence, because neither of us knew what to say. I have been crying though. It’s just been really really sad. After BTS, I have SHINee. Seeing them live has always been a dream of mine. They’re one of those groups that’s been around for ten years, paving the way for everyone who’s come after them.
I remember when I first got into SHINee, I saw that Jonghyun had a solo career as well. I listened to his albums and immediately fell in love. I actually cried the first time I listened to some of his songs like “Elevator” and “Let Me Out” because his voice was so beautiful. I could listen to him all day, and sometimes I did. I play my KPop playlist everyday on shuffle, and I hear him everyday. I’ll continue to hear him every day, and I’m just really upset about it all. He had a bright smile, was never afraid of having fun and messing around, supported LGBTQ rights, and loved loved LOVED his fans and family and friends.
Which brings me to the suicide part of this. Jonghyun is just one of many who’ve gone without proper mental healthcare. He hid his suffering so well, a problem in the KPop industry and in a global context as well. Jonghyun is one of many who recieved hate online for giving LGBTQ support to fans, or recieving hate in general. Always be nice to people becuase you never know what they’re going through. You never know who is suffering and how deep their suffering goes. Always be kind. Always listen when someone says “I need you, can I please tell you something”. Maybe you can’t help, but you can always direct them to places that can. There are suicide hotlines ( http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines ) for anyone who needs them, and there are medical professionals who can help at clinics. Even if you just listen, that helps. That’s better than nothing. That can be everything.
I found a couple gifs of Jonghyun that have made me smile in the past, so I thought I’d post them here. I don’t think I have anything else to say, sorry this is so short. I just don’t quite know what to do or say, I’m just really really upset, and I wish this wasn’t happening. I miss him so much already, Jonghyun has impacted so many people and he won’t be forgotten anytime soon. I sincerely hope everyone is doing okay and that we remember ot stick together and take care of those around us.
Jonghyun thank you so much for everything you’ve done, your lyrics have touched our hearts, your spirit has made us smile, and will continue to do so. I miss you and I love you so so much.