I’ve Been Tired (Good Tired…Mostly)

The reason I’ve been gone for so long is because I’ve been working so much. When I’m not working I’m slowly, very slowly nowadays, chipping away at my novel. I’ve submitted some stories and poems to competitions and magazines. Or I’m working on articles for Vocal Media. And then I’ve cut back quite a bit on dog walking, but I try to do it a few times a week. When more people get hired at my store, I’ll get to experiment more with freelancing and the likes. I actually got approved on Upwork so I can start really putting my hat in the freelance ring.

As much as a full time job is reliable and a sure thing, right now I think investigating freelance is something I’ve always been interested in. While I have retail, and a retail job I like, I might as well try it now. It’s as good a time as ever.

I’m pretty tired most of the time, which I guess is kind of good. It’s better than being bored. What makes it super difficult has been the unbearable heat and humidity. Not having AC and only having fans makes it near impossible to ever be comfortable. I haven’t been able to sleep through the night, it’s been so awful. I wake up sweating, and even my fan at full blast right next to my bed only does so much. I genuinely can’t wait for my new apartment to have air conditioning. I love it cold, and at this point I’ll just take anything below 70. Yesterday was good though. It was actually kind of cool outside. There was some rain in the afternoon so it was a little humid, but it was such a welcome change.

We did hire someone to start on Saturday, so now I’m happy that my hours will be cut back a little. Now I can focus more on my novel. I feel awful that I hit a wall with it. I’m so close to the halfway point of writing it, and I honestly wish I could get over this one scene. It’s weird, because I know what’s going to happen in the scene, I’m just not quite sure how the dialogue will play out. After that scene though, I move on to part three out of four parts. Thank. God. That’s when my character gets to college age and I get to write one of my favorite characters in the story. I’ve said before, I have a huge chunk done of the last half of the book. I have an abridged version of the back half of the book, so a lot of it is just fleshing out already existing scenes or adding scenes to fill in the important gaps. I’m excited about getting there, and sometimes we have to work a little harder on other scenes. Authors sometimes struggle on certain scenes, and this one just happens to be one of those things.

It also might mean that that section of the book needs a little bit of spicing up. That’s okay. I love editing my stuff and going back to fix things. I can see the end, even if it’s miles and miles in the distance.

That’s all ahead though. I keep it day by day. Right now I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep past 7:30 am. Isn’t that sad? Even on weekends, I can’t do it. Un. Believable. It’s so sad, and I can’t fall asleep before midnight either. So that’s at most seven and a half hours of sleep. Yet, I don’t fall asleep right away. I take awhile to sleep. And then I wake up in the middle of the night. Mother of God, why can’t I sleep. I’ve been having weird dreams too that make waking up uncomfortable. I told my mom about this, but you know those dreams where you feel something in the dream, or something happens to you, and then you wake up and still feel it?

I had the worst dream where I fell down a flight of stairs, or pushed, or something, and landed on my hip. Then I woke up, and MY HIP HURT LIKE HELL. I had trouble moving it. It felt like a charlie horse, but in my hip. I was so freaked out by it, it was so strange. I haven’t had any dreams like that the past two days, so hopefully I don’t have any other dreams like that.

I’m just wondering how to make myself less of a workaholic. My manager asked me point blank today if I was working too much, because my hours are at least double right now than anticipated. I am tired, and I’m still adjusting to working a lot, you know? I’m not used to 30+ hour weeks just yet. I feel guilty because how many thousands of people work those hours and more each week and still do it. Heck, my mom’s work week is unbelievably insane, and she’s been doing it for years.

And then there are my days off, which are maybe twice a week, but right now it’s only once a week. Today was my day off and I spent it outside in the heat all day walking dogs. Why lay down in front of a fan on a hot day when you can be running around outside sweating your ass off!!!!!!! I don’t make much sense to myself. Anyway, that’s my quick update, I anticipate things slowing down a little in the beginning of September so I’ll try to be more active with my writing. This is the new goal!!




One thought on “I’ve Been Tired (Good Tired…Mostly)

  1. …don’t know just how I stumbled on your website (something about cats, probably)…nothing wrong with being a “workaholic”…if you enjoy what you are doing, it is not work…had an 8-5 job…almost every day i’d be in at 06:00 and stay till five…because I wanted to…


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